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The Lost Art of Listening

How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships

• By Michael P. Nichols

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• Binding: Paperback (also available in Hardback)
• Pages: 251
• Published by: Guilford Press
• Publication Date: 2nd July 1996
• ISBN: 978-1-57230-131-3

About the Book

Why do we often feel cut off when speaking to the people closest to us/m?/family members, friends, or colleagues? What is it that keeps so many of us from really listening? Michael P. Nichols answers these questions and more in this thoughtful, witty, and helpful look at the reasons people don't hear one another. His book, a guide to the secrets of listening and being listened to, is filled with vivid examples that clearly demonstrate easy?to?learn techniques for becoming a better listener. He also illustrates how empathic listening enables us to break through misunderstandings and conflict and to transform our personal and professional relationships. This book will be of interest to anyone who would like to improve the way they communicate with intimate partners, family members, colleagues, employers, and friends.

Reviews

'Lily Tomlin once advised that we listen with an intensity that most people save for talking.' Michael Nichols, in The Lost Art of Listening, tells us how. This is a very special book which distills years of clinical wisdom into practical advice about improving our most important relationships and, ultimately, who we are....This is more than a good book, it is a vital manual for any of us who would either like to feel good about our relationships or avoid dying before the end of our lives.' - Carol M. Anderson, Ph.D., coauthor of Flying Solo

Table of Contents

Introduction. Part I: Yearning to be Understood. Why Listening Is So Important. "Did You Hear What I Said?" How Listening Shapes Us and Connects Us to Each Other. "Thanks for Listening". How Communication Breaks Down. "Why Won't You Listen to Me?" Part II: The Real Reasons People Don't Listen. The Heart of Listening: The Struggle to Suspend Our Own Needs. "When Is It My Turn?" How Hidden Assumptions Prejudice Listening. "You Hear Only What You Want to Hear!" How Emotionality Makes Us Defensive. "Why Do You Always Overreact!" Part III: Getting Through to Each Other. How to Let Go of Your Own Needs and Listen. "Take Your Time-I'm Listening". Empathy Begins with Openness. "I Never Knew You Felt That Way". How to Defuse Emotional Reactivity. "I Can See This Is Really Upsetting You." Part IV: Listening in Context. Listening Between Intimate Partners. "We Never Seem to Talk Anymore." How to Listen and Be Heard within the Family. "Nobody Around Here Ever Listens to Me!" Being Able to Hear Friends and Colleagues. "I Knew You'd Understand." Epilogue.

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